The Kind of Gratitude We Forgot
How Noticing Heals the Nervous System
Every November, we’re told to “be grateful.” Make a list. Write it down. Focus on the good. But lately I’ve been thinking that gratitude isn’t something we perform like we’re told to. Maybe it’s something we witness.
Because the truth is, most of us aren’t ungrateful. We’re just moving too fast, trying too hard, holding too much. We confuse gratitude with cheerfulness, as if to be thankful we have to be upbeat. But gratitude was never meant to be happiness. It was meant to be honesty.
Gratitude isn’t saying “it’s fine.”
It’s saying “it’s true.”
It’s acknowledging what’s still standing in a year that bent you.
It’s naming what remained when so much fell away.
When we pause long enough to notice something real, the weight of a mug in your hand, the sunlight on the wall, the friend who texted just to check in, the brain shifts from protection to presence. The body exhales. That’s not denial. That’s regulation. Gratitude steadies the nervous system by reminding it that we are safe enough to notice again.
So maybe gratitude isn’t a list of blessings to prove you’re okay.
it’s the courage to tell the truth about what still matters even when you’re not.
This year, my gratitude isn’t loud.
It’s not a caption or a table toast.
It’s the sound of my kids laughing in the next room.
It’s the roof that still stands even if it looks different.
It’s the friend who stayed.
It’s the small mercy that I noticed before scrolling past it.
Gratitude doesn’t erase grief.
It sits beside it.
It says, “Both are true.”
I’m hurting and I’m thankful.
I’m tired and I’m here.
I’m still learning how to hold both without apology.
That’s what we forgot.
Gratitude isn’t forced optimism; it’s honest attention, the kind that steadies the nervous system and softens the edges of survival.
Not gratitude for everything. Just gratitude for anything that reminds us we’re still here to notice.
With you in this.
Love,
Zelana
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