When the World Feels Unsteady: How to Help Anxious Kids Find Safety in the Storm
Carrying grief is heavy enough when it’s your own. But when it’s your child’s? When their wide, searching eyes look to you for answers you don’t have, when their small hands cling tighter because they can sense the tremble in yours? That’s a weight unlike any other.
We want to be their rock. Their anchor. Their safe place. But what happens when our own foundation feels cracked?
I’ve been there—straddling the roles of mother and guide, scientist and human, trying to create calm in a world that feels anything but. I’ve held my children’s trembling hands and whispered, I’ve got you. But inside, I’ve wondered: Do I really?
The truth is, there is no perfect way to do this. No script that erases fear. No sentence that can stitch together the broken edges of their world. But there are ways to help them feel seen, heard, and held.
Anxiety often speaks in actions before it finds words. It’s in the way their legs swing faster under the dinner table. The way their appetite disappears. The way they ask, Are we safe? one more time before bed.
We want to fix it. We want to erase their fear. But our greatest job isn’t to take it away—it’s to walk with them through it. To hold space for what hurts and show them, over and over, that they don’t have to face it alone.
Below is a script I’ve leaned on myself for talking to kids who are feeling deeply anxious, scared, or overwhelmed. It’s grounded in science, in experience, and most importantly, in love.
If your child is struggling with anxiety, you may notice:
• Difficulty sleeping or frequent nightmares
• Clinginess, irritability, or sudden withdrawal
• Trouble focusing or reluctance to leave familiar spaces
• Physical complaints like stomachaches or headaches without a clear cause
• Repeated questions or behaviors seeking reassurance (Are we safe? Will everything be okay?)
Here’s how to gently guide them through the fear, one word at a time:
1. Acknowledge Their Feelings
Before anything else, they need to know this: Their feelings are okay. They are not too much. They are not wrong.
• “I can see you’re feeling really upset right now, and that’s okay. Big feelings like this are normal when something scary happens.”
• “I’m here to help you with whatever you’re feeling—sad, scared, mad, all of it. There’s nothing wrong with any of it.”
• “Sometimes, feelings get really big and make us feel overwhelmed. That’s okay—it’s a sign your body is trying to protect you.”
2. Reassure Their Safety
Anxiety thrives in uncertainty. Your child needs to know that in this moment, they are safe.
• “Right now, we are safe. I’m here, and I’ll do everything I can to keep us safe.”
• “There are so many people working hard to keep us okay—firefighters, neighbors, friends. We are not alone.”
• “Let’s look around together—do you see anything that feels scary right now? No? That means we are okay in this moment.”
3. Help Them Name Their Emotions
Big emotions shrink when they have a name. Giving them words makes them less overwhelming.
• “Can you tell me what feels the hardest right now? Saying it out loud can help it feel a little lighter.”
• “Are you feeling scared? Sad? Angry? Sometimes we can feel a lot of things at the same time, and that’s okay.”
• “It’s hard to name feelings sometimes. If you’re not sure, let’s guess together: Does it feel like a heavy rock in your chest, or like you want to run away? Maybe both?”
4. Offer a Simple Coping Strategy
Grounding them in the present moment can help calm the storm inside.
• “Let’s take a few slow breaths together. Breathe in through your nose for four seconds, and out through your mouth for six seconds. I’ll do it with you.”
• “When I feel scared, it helps me to hold onto something comforting, like a soft blanket or my favorite stuffed animal. Would you like to try that?”
• “Let’s imagine blowing up a big balloon. Take a big breath in… and now blow it out really slowly to fill the balloon. Ready? Let’s do it together.”
5. Give Them a Sense of Control
When the world feels unpredictable, even small choices can make them feel steadier.
• “I know it feels like a lot is out of control right now, but let’s think of one thing we can do together. Would you like to draw, take a walk, or just sit with me for a while?”
• “You can tell me what you need—quiet time, a hug, or even just to sit and hold hands. Whatever feels good to you.”
• “What’s one thing we can do right now to make this space feel a little better? Maybe light a candle, play some music, or bring a favorite toy over.”
6. Reassure Them It’s Okay to Take Time
Their anxiety won’t disappear overnight. And that’s okay.
• “You don’t have to feel better right away. Feelings take time, and however long you need is okay.”
• “It’s okay to cry, or not cry. It’s okay to be quiet, or to need extra hugs. However you feel is okay.”
• “Sometimes it helps to just sit and feel. We don’t have to rush. I’m here with you.”
7. End With Comfort and Connection
Above all else, they need to know this: They are not alone.
• “We’re going to get through this together. You’re not alone—I’ve got you.”
• “I love you, and no matter what happens, we’ll figure it out as a team.”
Practical Tips for Supporting Anxious Kids
• Stay Calm: Your steady presence can help regulate their emotions.
• Keep It Simple: Avoid overloading them with information—focus on what they need to know right now.
• Offer Reassurance Through Actions: Sit beside them, hold their hand, create quiet moments together.
• Encourage Creative Expression: Drawing, playing, or storytelling can give them an outlet for their feelings.
Final Thoughts
When your child’s world feels like it’s falling apart, you don’t need to have all the answers. You don’t need to erase their fear or make the pain disappear.
You just need to show up.
Let your presence be their anchor. Let your love remind them that even when the world feels uncertain, they are safe in your arms.
One breath, one word, one moment at a time—we’ll guide them through the storm.
With love,
Zelana